Hey! Just checking out everyone's remixes and thought I might start with you haha :D
First thing's first, I really, really like the melodic ideas in this track! The general vision you had for this track was quite phenomenal, considering you have submitted 4 tracks so far. Oh, and I love that key change at the end into F# Major! It just works so well here and I don't even know why.
On the more technical side of things, I agree with underscore8298 in that the intro sounds a little messy, and I think that the reason is the instrument you used has too much release. Just make the sample your using play for less time and it should stop it from drowning everything else. Another technical thing I would fix (and the last one, since I don't want to get nit-picky) is the drums, since they are quiet compared to the rest.
I really hope this helps! I think you have got a lot of potential!